The Power of Stepping Back

In a world obsessed with urgency and moving forward, sometimes the best action is taking a step back.

This morning, I got up late after a long night with the kids. I started to rush them to school. “Put your jacket on,” I say, “and hurry up with your shoes.” When they don’t go fast enough, I resort to doing it for them: “Let me button that for you.” Inevitably, instead of moving faster, my two kids began to whine. One threw himself on the ground. The other refused to take any action. In the end, we are all frustrated and very late for school.

By dictating each action, I triggered defensiveness and frustration. By doing things for them, I rob them of a chance to learn and set myself up for ongoing work. By rushing into getting something done, we fell further behind.

Imagine instead I paused in the moment and took a deep breath. Instead of rushing them further, I calmly let them know that school starts soon. I find a sand timer to visualize the remaining time. I bring in a bit of competition by giving whoever gets out the door first the right to decide what is for dinner. I don’t tell them what needs to be done (they already know) and instead gently remind my kid who forgets to pack his water bottle.

In the work context, we also often rush to “move fast.” Startups and Silicon Valley in particular tend to be extreme in moving with urgency. When a new issue comes up, we jump into solutioning without getting more context. When other teams push back, we tell them that they “must” allow us to move forward and step aside without much explanation. Without investing time upfront in planning or context sharing, we run straight into high coordination costs, disconnected teams, and burnout.

Step Back To Open Up Possibilities

In 2020, I led the COVID-19 response efforts for Instagram’s consumer product team. Our goal was to ship features quickly that helped 1 Billion+ Instagram users to feel connected during shelter-in-place. Time was of the essence, and everyone was working around the clock.

A senior engineer had an idea of creating group stories that collected all the stories related to COVID-19 in one location. It would help users quickly see that others are in the same boat. However, the idea was difficult to implement and created unfair ranking precedents in the system. The more others challenged the idea, the more he became adamant that it was the best way.

Rather than meeting him where he was or dismissing his idea, I took a step back and broadened the scope of the conversation: What are we trying to achieve? Who are we serving? How important is speed to launch? What other lighterweight possibilities might there be that serve the same goal? By opening up the conversation, I helped him see different paths. And he became instrumental in shipping a new COVID-19 feature in record time.

Step Back To Go Forward

In Chinese, there is a saying: “退一步，海阔天空.” Directly translated, it says, “Take a step back, you’ll see the vastness of the oceans and sky.” It reminds one to take a step back when faced with difficulty, rather than push forward with brute force or without a plan. In personal disagreements, a step back allows us to better regulate our emotions and proceed more calmly. In business contexts, the step back broadens our view, leading to different, often more creative, outcomes.

In practice, stepping back looks like disengaging or slowing down. And it is, for the short term. Thinking and planning aren’t always visible actions, but they are critical steps in the process. The next time you feel rushed into action, try the following:

1. Give yourself permission to slow down: Schedule time on your calendar for thinking. Push out meetings you are not ready for. Let others know that you need some space to strategize and plan before taking action, so you can all move faster.

2. Disengage with the chaos: Turn off your notifications. Walk out of unhelpful, anxiety-driven conversations. Find a place you feel safe, and breathe.

3. Broaden the discussion with questions: What is the true challenge here? What else might be affected? Who else needs to be involved? What are three or four ways this could be resolved? What are some short-term and long-term actions?

When you are ready to re-engage, do so strategically and slowly as well. Avoid jumping into large group meetings. Don’t rush the discussions because you feel “behind”. Remember, if things get heated again, it’s never too urgent to take a step back.

That’s all folks! See you next week at 3:14 pm.

Yue

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Yue’s Coaching Corner

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